Missed goals and bad behaviors? Change this first.

Reader,

Ever been here?

A team member is behaving badly.

The frequent bad attitude and incomplete work is making everyone crazy—but the individual seems completely unaware of how they’re showing up.

Your team starts pointing it out, wondering—are you going to do something about this? Tensions are running hot.

In this email, we're diving deep below the surface to explore why behaviors happen—and how to shift them.

The winter I’ll never forget.

One winter, my family decided to ski every week, all season long.
November to April. Every. Single. Week.

One Saturday morning, we woke up to single-digit temps, 40-mph winds, and an unrelenting snowstorm.
But we were committed. So, we started getting ready.

Not quite committed after all.

This was the day we discovered my husband was 100% committed—all by himself.

And then, the bad behaviors emerged.

Here’s what each of us did:

• Laying on the snow, crying in despair.
• Snapping at everyone—the glove liners are uncomfortable.
• Being extra enthusiastic to make up for all the grumbling.
• Repeating the weather report over and over, hoping we wouldn’t go.
• Whirling through the house reminding everyone, “It’s time to go!”

Misunderstanding commitment.

How is it that we all agreed to the same goal, yet those wildly different behaviors showed up?

This happens all the time at work—and somehow we’re surprised when we discover our team isn’t fully committed.

Why? Because we didn’t start at the root of real commitment.

What we were thinking.

Beneath the surface-level behaviors were the mindsets we each held when we said we were in.

Here’s what we were really thinking:

• I love to ski. I hate to ski. Wait, I can’t remember which it is.
• I’ll ski when I feel like it—but you can’t make me want to.
• I’m in! I’ll be your ski buddy. I’m sorry everyone else is being such a pill.
• Why is this goal such a big deal? It doesn’t even matter.
• This is going to be my first 40-day season ever. Yippee!

We didn’t all have a reason—a purpose—for skiing every weekend.

So when things got real (and, in my opinion, miserable), some of us were out.

And that was that.

Now, back to behaviors at work.

You can’t shift someone’s behavior if their mindset is still fixed. Their thinking will show up in everything they do.

Yet too many leaders spend endless energy trying to change what people do—without ever considering what they think.

Go upstream.

To change any behavior—in yourself or your team—start with mindsets.

• How I think influences how I feel.
• How I feel influences what I do.

This is why when you try to change just the behavior, you often run into an immovable wall.

A quick segue.

Sometimes, we set a goal and drive toward it with a vengeance. The goal is everything.

The commitment’s been made. That’s it. It has to be done—because we said so.

But it’s easy to forget:

• The goal you choose matters.
• And how you get there matters too.

If you’re noticing resistance in your team, it might be time to revisit the goal itself.

How do you know what someone’s thinking?

If you can’t influence what someone does without influencing what they think… how do you know what they think?

You ask.

Your #1 function as a leader is to ask questions:

• What do you think this goal should achieve?
• What’s missing?
• What else should we be paying attention to?
• Why is this goal important to you?

If you’re not asking good questions, you’re not getting the info you need to influence the right things.

Back to skiing.

The one who’s most committed has a responsibility to help shift others’ mindsets—and invite them into a bigger vision.

Imagine what that winter would’ve been like if my husband had invited each of us to:

• Talk about what we like (and don’t like) about skiing.
• Influence the goal.
• Influence what our lives would be like while pursuing it.

It could’ve been a winter to remember—in the good way.

And for the record, any one of us could have had this very same influence—any moment we chose.

Cultivating team-centered mindsets.

Now it gets fun.

Consider what’s possible when people hold mindsets that are team-centered and growth-oriented:

• I need other people to achieve my full potential.
• I want to learn from others.
• I can trust others.
• My team makes me better.
• I can help my team work better together.
• I’m not a victim of what’s happening around me.
• I’m not stuck.
• My actions affect my team.

Imagine what becomes possible when you cultivate these mindsets in yourself and your team.

Imagine the memorable season—and the success—you can create together.

Imagine how much more enjoyable work will become.

Now, it's your turn.

1. Discover the mindsets that are present in your team by asking questions, instead of waiting for behaviors to reveal them.
2. Cultivate team centered mindsets in yourself and others.

Enjoy!

Sara

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